Men and women are vastly different – both emotionally and physically. However, our differences or similarities are what draw us together and cause us to “fall in love” in the beginning. But, contrary to popular belief, being in love is not enough to build and sustain a successful marriage. As you become more comfortable in your relationship, the extra effort and romantic gestures may begin to dwindle as bad habits enter your relationship and start to destroy it. You may call this “just being real” or “settling in”, but it can slowly take its toll on your perfect romance. Regardless of what you call it, a decision to stop putting in the effort is centered on a self-centered attitude, laziness, or the unrealistic belief that your partner will never leave you.
As women, it can be difficult to truly understand what makes men happy and contented. But, if you are married or in a relationship with a good man, he really isn’t that complicated! What men want most in a wife isn’t just a desire – it is a physical and emotional need!
Below are 5 things your man needs in his life – only from you!
1.) ADMIRATION – YOUR PRIDE IN HIM
Nothing cuts a man to his core like his wife belittling him, making fun of him, and taking him for granted. This leaves him feeling unconfident in himself and grossly unappreciated by you. Honest admiration energizes him, fills him with contentment, and motivates him to accomplish more.
Men gravitate towards the people who show them respect and admiration. If this person is not you, he will find it elsewhere. As a wife, it isn’t your job to “straighten him out” whenever you see him doing something you disagree with. You must know the difference between having a conversation about your disagreement vs. criticizing and disrespecting him in a hurtful manner. Make an effort to start noticing all the areas that he exceeds at! (Sit down and write them out). Ask him how his day went and let him know you appreciate his work ethic! He will respond positively to your loving concerns/complaints if he feels that you are his biggest fan and main supporter.
To men, sex isn’t just a want – it is a physical need! Unfortunately, many women view their husbands need for sex as an annoying and nagging part of their marriage.
As a woman, I need my husband to be affectionate and emotionally there for me. If he is distant and unaffectionate, I will feel deeply hurt. Your husband needs you to be there for him emotionally, which oftentimes means sexually. In your wedding vows, you promised to be faithful to each other for life. If you are no longer interested in him sexually, he will feel hurt and resentful. When faced with this dilemma, many husbands choose to go find sex elsewhere.
You must realize that your husband’s sexual desires are much stronger than yours! When he married you, he trusted you to meet one of the biggest needs of his life – sex. If you feel uncomfortable or unsatisfied yourself, talk to your husband or a marriage counselor/therapist. Educate yourself on each other’s needs and learn ways to fulfill them together.
Plain and simple – a man needs a woman who he finds attractive. What I love about this fact is that men have very different tastes in what they find beautiful. My sisters and I all look very different from each other, but each one of our spouses find their wife to be the most beautiful.
I have heard women say, “I don’t care what he thinks! He should love me just the way I am!” Although this statement has some truth, a woman should care about her husband’s opinion. If your man loves it when you dress classy and wear a certain hairstyle, you should absolutely indulge him! I LOVE IT when my husband says “WOW!” when I walk by.
Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition and an adequate amount of exercise. Even if your life is busy, there are always ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, make sure to maintain your sense of self. In the beginning stages of your relationship, you should always look for signs that he is trying to change you. Life can become very difficult when you are married to a controlling husband. However, don’t mistake genuine concern as controlling behavior. Your husband does need a wife who he finds attractive.
4.) SIMILAR INTERESTS – COMPANIONSHIP
While dating, many women choose to take an interest in the activities their man enjoys. However, after they are married, this interest fades and they are no longer willing to join him in the recreational activities that they use to “enjoy” together. Basically, the man was tricked into believing that they had so much in common.
Personally, I love sitting down with a cup of coffee and having a deep conversation. My husband would prefer to be outside throwing a football. We have learned how to meet each other’s needs by finding a way to enjoy the experience ourselves.
Make an effort to take interest in a few of the activities that he enjoys! YES, this will take some sacrifice on your part, but it will be worth it. You don’t have to pretend to love hunting, fishing, or football; but you should try to find some common ground on at least a few of his favorite pastimes.
5.) A PEACEFUL HOME
Most women have a need for regular, open communication. However, as life gets busy, this communication may sound more like nagging and complaining.
I’ve been there! My job was incredibly stressful and my viewpoint became very negative. Each night when we sat down together, I would complain about my day and then get annoyed by something he said or did. I had to realize that my behavior was creating a tension in our home and I had to learn to communicate differently.
Many men do not share this same need – to talk their problems and concerns through. They tend to work through their problems in different ways. However, communication is a healthy and very necessary part of a relationship. But know that you can also allow it to become toxic and damaging.
Growing up, I remember my Mom shouting, “Best time of the day!” every time my Dad got home from work. He was greeted with hugs and kisses from all of us and was able to relax and enjoy his evening. My Mom and Dad both made it a point not to bombard each other with complaints as soon as they got home. Our home was a place of refuge for my Dad – a place where he could unwind from the stresses of life. That had everything to do with the environment my Mom created!
When you have a genuine concern with your husband’s behavior, find an appropriate time to talk about it. Don’t beat him up while he is down. You know him better than anyone else, so you can find the best time to discuss a problem.